Don’t Fuck with Fairy

Incident Interview Transcript

Subject: Jotna Farthing, Female, Human, Nexus Station, Assurance Transport Solutions

Location: HQ, Crystal Quarter, Fey

Officer: 458279 R. Mayner

Session One

JF: Pop always said don’t fuck with fairy.

RM: Excuse me? Can you explain that?

JF: Pop was always free with his pearls of wisdom: “Better ya ask forgiveness than permission.” “Take yer tools home with ya. Might not be a job there in the mornin’.” “Whatcha need is connections, all those assholes with money, they got there with connections.”

And the most useful, “Don’t fuck with Fairy. Ya stay the hell away from those tricksy bitches.”

It’s how he would sum up what I call his Iknewaguy tales. He worked the ships and talked shit while I ran a relay race with tools.

RM: Courier is not the family business?

JF: Nah, courier is never a family business. I used to park a storage crate next to the tool chest and sit reading my comp in one hand, half listening to Pop’s tales. My other hand on his tools, ready to deliver.

I kept him organized, insisted on a system, but everyday after lessons, I came to the dock to find my system fucked beyond recognition, and everyday I put it all back in order.

Ya stay outta the engine,” he’d tell me. And poke me with his oversized, filthy finger. “I’m not trappin’ you into some scuzzy spaceport the resta ya life, not passing this shite onto t’ ya’s. You gonna do betta!”

The poke to my collarbone always came at betta. Most of my shirts had a discolored dot on the front. I did stay out of the engine, though. Stuck with organization and delivery. Come to think of it, I was bound for this illustrious career at an early age. But I’m sure this isn’t what Pop meant by betta. Instead of one spaceport, I’m living in all of them.

Suits me though – minimalist lifestyle, free travel. Corporation offers plenty of perks, too: generous death and dismemberment benefits, free berthing at every port, uniforms, unlimited tech and data usage. And my prime requisite for employment: time to read. Ninety-five percent of my job involves free time. Of course, the other one percent can be ugly, like today, but the perks – damn!

RM: Ms. Farthing, I really need to hear about the incident on Fey. If you could please begin with how you obtained the book, that would help us out. I’m sure you want to clear this up and avoid any more … trouble for yourself.

JF: Yeah, well, first thing you need to know is that I was never even supposed to be on Fey. Pop told me not to fuck with fairy, and if anyone had reason to believe that, it was Pop. Those fuckers had him killed. He dealt with them and, boom.

I certainly wouldn’t have…

RM: Excuse me, can you explain boom?

JF: Boom means boom. The explosion took out all of Dock Ten Forty-Three, a Solar Class ship, and my pop. It would have taken me out as well, but I was finishing final exams.

Anyways, Kealy was assigned the book. He went to the package inspection with the shipper; he put his bioscan on the seal. Corporate had to reroute the whole damn thing when Kealy died. I was just coming from the Largo job when they called me in to replace him. I had to meet with the shipper and do a new bioseal.

They know I don’t like to deal with fairies, but they threatened to pull my licence for a month if I didn’t take the job. Assholes. There were others on Nexus who coulda taken it. Hell, two couriers arrived before I even got back from Largo.

And Largo was a pain in the ass, let me tell you. A whole damn planet is full of religious fanatics. In my first ten minutes there, I got jailed for wearing a left glove! I was just taking the damn things off and forgot to take the left one off first! Officer comes up to me and hisses in my face, screaming something about the devil’s hand! They have over twenty thousand laws …

RM: Can you please go back to Mr. Kealy? How did he die, and who was the shipper?

JF: Well, you know you’ll have to talk to the corporation about the shipper, but I can tell you that Kealy died of some kind of reaction. Really fucked up too. We’re tested for reactions to anything that’s legal to transport, given vaccinations for every damn bug that’s been discovered. No way Kealy should have encountered something between the shipper and Nexus Port that he’d react to. And I heard it was foul: boils all over his face and hands, his eyeballs were leaking.

Bonan said it looked like his face just fucking melted. But between you and me, I don’t think he was too upset about it since Kealy named him as beneficiary. Lots of us do that. No family back home, don’t want the corporation to weasel out of paying. Hell, I signed my benefits to Jones. Messy way to go, though. You’ll have to deal with the corporation for info on that one.

RM: Yes, the corporation. We’ve talked to them, now I’m talking to you. Who was the shipper? And please describe the book.

JF: Nice try. I left Nexus Station with the package and booked hold space on a cargo ship to Fey. The Intrepid, real bucket of bolts that one. I could hear slippage in the FTL every time they switched in and out. Sounds like it hasn’t been aligned in ages. Captain’s probably a cheap bastard.

Not a bad lot for a crew though. There were five of us couriers booked in the hold. They gave us cots and let us eat in the mess. Real decent. Still kept the hold colder than the ass of an asteroid, but that’s par.

Nothing like hopping a cruiser, though. I caught a cruiser to Philadel once and ended up with a suite, a fucking suite! Wasn’t allowed to leave it, of course, but hell, who needs to go out when you have wall screen and room service. I had shrimp and steak three nights in a row, not even synth! Real. Fucking. Cow.

RM: Real cow, great. Let’s go to where you exited the Intrepid.

JF: Fey was the second to last stop for The Intrepid before she headed back to Nexus. Only Jones was left bunking in the hold with me.

Wonky one, Jones. She has all these plans and shit, like a courier has what you’d call, upward mobility. Always talking about saving up to open a little shop on some craphole ag planet I’ve never even heard of. Wants to hand knit specialty goat-hair sweaters, I shit you not. There is so much wrong with that story, I don’t know where to begin.

The universe doesn’t work that way. Some fuckers are born with options, the rest of us just crawl around the bottom eating scraps. We got a decent enough deal as couriers, but Jones is setting herself up for a heartache, just like Pop did. He tried to reach for something more and ended up shredded meat.

RM: What happened on Fey?

JF: Yeah, Fey. I cleared customs with my courier credentials. The recipient sent a transport, and it dropped me off near the edge of the Crystal Quarter. I went in for the delivery, recipient and I broke the seals. When she opened the book, all hell broke loose, and I called you  guys in.

RM: Ms. Farthing, you are being purposely vague. If you don’t cooperate with us, we can’t help you. It will be bad for you.

JF: Help me? How is that you think I need help? I’m just the fucking courier. I did my due diligence. The item was scanned for explosives, poisons, and biohazard before it was sealed. The recipient agreed to delivery from the sender. The corporation has licences for private transport. How the fuck is any of this my fault? That thing stayed sealed until the moment the fairy bitch opened it and …

RM: Ms. Farthing, are you a xenophobe? Do you have ties with any of the organizations promoting racial purity?

JF: You must be shitting me. Fairies are the xenophobes. I’ve got no issues with races. Ask Jones, she’s only part human, doesn’t even know what the hell her father was. Probably part troll. Looks good on her though, she’s strong as hell, and she can smell things, ya know. Like she knows when some roach coach in port is trying to pad the chicken burger with some rat scraps. I started paying attention and learned to do it myself. We used to guess the contents of each other’s packages. Couldn’t reveal the answer, but I could tell by her face when I got it right. Good egg, Jones. She’s never going to get her damn goat shop though. I don’t have the heart to crush her dreams, so I just do the ol’ smile and nod every time she talks about it.

Pop didn’t raise a fucking xenophobe. Even though he could pass, he would never turn on his own like that.

RM: Pass?

Ms. Farthing?

JF: Yeah, pass.

Pop was first-gen human. His dad was still considered mixed. I mean, Pop was a huge, hulking mother-fucker, but he looked like huge, hulking, human mother-fucker. He changed his name and went to Nexus station to get a fresh start when he young. Started off working for a corporation before he saved up enough to get his own dock space. He said he bought his freedom one tool at a time, thought it was such a big deal getting out from under a corporation.

Always made such a fuss about me getting something planetside. Wanted me to be a doctor or professor … he had a new career picked out for me every time my exam results came in, had all this big talk about university. I really bought into that shit before he got himself killed. If there was any money set aside, some asshole banker must have figured out how to hide it; I didn’t get shit. After the explosion, I figured, fuck it,  I’m just going to get a steady paycheck and stay the hell out of trouble.

Pop wouldn’t tolerate any of that xenophobic shit. He loved his family, named me after his aunt… it’s good thing couriers go by last names.

Besides, it’s those fairy fucks that are all obsessed with purity. They barely tolerate humans. Mixed folk? Forget it. They don’t even want them on planet.

When I arrived at the recipient’s place, the doorman actually held his hankie up to his nose as if I was a turd holding a package. Snotty fuck, I mean I know I’m no rose after four days in a cargo hold, but I keep myself pretty tidy. And even if I am a little stale, only an asshole would act like that. The recipient, hell, she wouldn’t even touch the bio seal after I did. The butler sanitized it so she could scan. I’ve never been treated …

RM: Stop. Walk me through the events.

JF: Yeah. That asshole doorman, or butler, or whatever …

RM: Mr. Bres.

JF: Okay, this Bres fuck sprayed a sanitizer on the seal after I scanned, and then she did hers. The case opened and there was a little book inside, real old-school shit, all cracked leather and gold lettering, with a fancy, little note on top. Shocked me to see honest-to-goodness, leather and paper. I would have loved to read it. It even smelled cool, like grass or herbs … I don’t know, like time.

Not my business though. Once the recipient has the package open, I’m gone, and I sure as fuck wanted gone and away from those assholes. I was half out the room when she started choking and spewing blood.

Privacy. That’s the corporation motto. We mind our own business, deliver, and get out. No chit-chat with the recipient, no gossip about customers or packages. The corporation has some harsh fucking penalties for talking shop.

RM: This isn’t gossip, Ms. Farthing. This is an investigation. The woman you left ‘spewing blood,’ Ms. Danan, was a respected member of council. She was an ally to humans and non-humans alike. Her death may destroy several important treaties, treaties that could make life a lot easier for people like you and your father. Our penalties for murder certainly outweigh any sanctions your corporation can impose on you.

JF: You’re a sneaky fuck aren’t you? Can’t do your job, so you try to pin it on a courier? Shouldn’t you be focused on the sender, or do you honestly believe that I magically booby-trapped some book I’d never even laid eyes on before the bitch opened it? How the hell could I open the seal without the sender or recipient’s bio, and why the fuck would I care to?

RM: You seem to have some strong motivations to attack a fairy. You claim they killed your father. We would love to focus on the sender as well, if you will kindly give us that information.

JF: Talk to corporate, it’s above my pay grade. Besides, I didn’t go to the original package sealing. After Kealy did a melt-down, corporate erased his seal so I could replace him. Sounds to me like some nasty shit between the shipper and the Danan bitch. She’s the dumbass who agreed to receive his package. That’s some internal fairy drama there.

RM: Ms. Farthing, you are undoubtedly aware that it was illegal for you to put your bioseal a package you had not personally inspected, and without the shipper present?

JF: You need to talk to corporate. They should have sent me some representation.

RM: I’m not sure I see why they would. It sounds like they have a perfect opportunity to leave the responsibility for this on you: an illegal reseal on a package, the uninvestigated death of another courier.

Your corporation says the sender requested you, personally. If you hadn’t been arrested on Largo, perhaps Kealy would still be alive. Given the circumstances, the corporation should investigate the idea that you helped get Kealy out of the way so you could avenge your father’s death.

JF: Fuck you. I would never do that to Kealy. He was an ass, but I sure as hell wouldn’t sell out another courier. As far as Pop goes, I have no reason to think that fairy bitch was behind it. Even you said she was some diplomat or something. I doubt she had shit to do with the banks. The corporation’s got it fucked up if they say this guy requested me. I got no connections to anyone, and I’ve never delivered for this sender or Danan before.

RM: You believe the banks killed your father?

JF: He must have been in over his head with those assholes. Probably trying to get the money to send me to university.

RM: If you hadn’t used the money to go to university yet, why would the bank need to kill him? Even if the money was gone, how would destroying his business help them when they could have repossessed his collateral?

Ms. Farthing, why do you believe the fairies killed your father?

JF: You have no fucking idea how shit works, do you? You really think someone like my pop could have walked into the Nexus branch and just filled out some docs for a loan? There is the bank, and then there are the banks. Same sleazy fucks in charge though. Who knows what the hell Pop put down for the money.

He was just so fucking obsessed with getting me off Nexus. It was like the family was on some bullshit journey to legitimacy and I was supposed to be the culmination of it – respectable race, doctor, or lawyer, or something, living on a cozy, temperate world, and popping out the next generation of Farthings. Probably pictured himself playing nanny and teaching his grandkids to use a spanner.

I’m not saying it’s a bad dream, I could have gone for that crap. I loved school and all, but hell, the universe just doesn’t work that way.

RM: Who did he borrow money from?

JF: How would I know? Besides, everyone knows it’s all the same assholes. Fairies control all the money. Pop would never have involved me in that shit cause you know it had to be sketchy. His whole shop and tools wouldn’t even have paid for my room and board at university, much less tuition. Whatever he had to do for the that much money, it had to be big. He wouldn’t have involved me. After Pop died, I just wanted to stay the hell out of it. Got myself a steady job, time to read, everything I need. I had nothing to do with this Danan or any of the bullshit she must have gotten into.

Fairies are ruthless assholes. You should have seen the way she went, coughing blood, gasping for air, clawing at her eyes and throat. That shit was personal; someone wanted her to suffer.

RM: Something personal with the sender?

JF: He was a smarmy asswipe. Used an alias on the note. From Oberon to his Willful Titania. I snorted when I saw that. Not professional and all, but hell, fairies using Earth lit for their aliases? That’s irony. She was probably shocked I got the reference. People think couriers are dumb fucks, like we work a low-wage job because we’re too stupid to get better. I could have done just about anything, if I had the money and connections.

Kealy was smart too. Did a couple of years at university before his folks died. Another explosion. He was supposed to be there with them for the break, the lucky shit. Bank tried to pin the debt on him, but his name was nowhere on the docs.

Hope that means Bonan really gets the life insurance. That stupid fuck has a wife and a baby on Nexus, the dumbass. Actually, he may have another family tucked away on Mercer V. That’s the word around, anyways.

RM: Tell me more about the note. How did she react?

JF: Like I said, I don’t think she expected me to get the reference, or maybe she was pissed that I read the note since I’m not really supposed to notice the contents of a package except to confirm it’s intact and undamaged – you know, in case the recipient tries to make a claim. But she just kind of looked at me all horrified. Her hands were shaking as she picked up the note. Then she dropped it and went for the book. She looked like she was going to cry when she picked up the book. Ran her hands over the cover. I took that as my cue to leave.

I was almost out of there when she started choking. When I turned around, she was losing it. The book was open on the ground, and that butler fuck, Bres, was calm as you please, looking at me like I should do something. Just staring at me all creepy, waiting.

That’s why I had to call emergency. He wasn’t doing shit. Have you checked him out, yet? The old butler did it routine?

RM: Not to worry, we aren’t dismissing any suspects at this point. Even the cliché ones.

JF: Yeah, well I’d bet he has some fucking representation.

RM: Did you ever leave the package unattended? On Nexus? On the Intrepid with Jones? On the way to the recipient?

JF: Hell, no. We never lose physical contact with the package. That’s the rule, break and go to fucking lock-up. No one screws with the corporation on this. Hell, I’d even turn Jones in for that shit, and she’s all I have. The whole point of couriers is the security of the package.

RM: That should do for the moment. You will wait here, and we’ll talk again soon.

JF: Are you shitting me? You can’t hold …

End Transcript


Incident Interview Transcript

Subject: Jotna Farthing, Female, Human*, Nexus Station, Assurance Transport Solutions

Location: HQ, Crystal Quarter, Fey

Officer: 458279 R. Mayner

Session Two

JF: Five fucking hours here and no food or bed. You think I’m going to suddenly know what the hell happened to Danan just because I’m hungry and tired?

RM: If we decide to make you a more permanent resident, we will find you dinner and cell. Ms. Farthing, if your father warned you about fairy, it was obviously before he died. What dealings did he have with the banks that would lead him to feel that way?

JF: How would I know that shit? Do you think my pop would have had me serving tea to the sleazy fucks? It was all straight and narrow that I saw. I wasn’t even allowed to hang out in commerce section when I was growing up. It was school, Pop’s shop, and supervised activities for me. You think after all that care, Pop would have invited me to meet the kind of shitheads who would axe some poor sap as easily as they blow their fucking nose? Pop didn’t track my every fucking move just to let me get in with that kind of shit.

RM: What about your mother?

JF: Died when I was born. Pop didn’t talk much about it, just said she was gone.

RM: By the look of you, she would likely have been of pure blood, human? You must have seen pictures of her.

JF: Pop never showed me any and I never found any in his data storage. If he had anything, it would have been offline, probably went in the explosion. It wasn’t something he liked to talk about. Honestly, I kinda think that she’s alive somewhere, and took off after I was born. I figure that’s why Pop never wanted to talk about it. He was there for me every day of my life, so I sure as hell wasn’t going to go looking for some bitch who left us.

RM: Perhaps she was fairy? That might explain your father’s anger and involvement with them.

JF: Hunh, yeah, right. Pop bagged some fairy chick with his roguish, good looks, and managed to keep her around long enough to have me. Like that wouldn’t have been the talk on Nexus for about a hundred years. Fairies won’t even sit next lesser folk in space port, and you think one decided to hop in bed with my half-human pop. He would have either been a legend or dead for that deed.

RM: He is dead.

JF: Fuck you.

RM: So, you scanned the seal on the package, then the recipient, Ms. Danan, scanned her bio. Was there anything unusual about the way the package opened? Any unusual smells or sounds? Think about this. Replay it in your mind.

JF: It all seemed pretty normal, I guess. I was pretty pissed at my shitty treatment.

The smell was just that sanitizer. After the package opened, I already told you about the smell of the book.

Aren’t you examining the package and the book? You should know what the hell came out of that book better than me.

RM: We did. Before this conversation started. The sanitizer was just that, sanitizer.

JF: And the grass or herbal smell?

RM: Pressed flowers. Inside the book. What does that mean to you?

JF: Nothing. Only flowers I’ve ever seen was a dozen synth roses I delivered to a dude on Meisser. The book didn’t smell like those though.

RM: These weren’t roses. They were pansies. Earth flowers, not synth.

JF: No shit?

RM: No shit. You smelled them and you are fine? No irritation to your eyes? No wheezing?

JF: I’m good. Nothing much bothers me though. Side benefit of having troll blood, I guess.

RM: Yes, that is fortunate for you.

Ms. Danan seems to have had a severe allergy to most Earth flora. Not too uncommon on Fey. Probably five to ten percent of the population react violently to some Earth flowers. That’s why only synth flora and fauna are cleared for transport.

JF: I just follow the transport rules, I don’t ask for the why.

RM: Most rules. You seems a little lax on the rules concerning bio-seals and inspections, yes, I know, talk to the corporation.

JF: Exactly.

RM: It seems this book was coated with more pollen than one could expect from the flowers pressed inside.

JF: Sounds to me like someone wanted to kill Ms. Danan.

RM: Yeah, thanks. I get that.

Ms. Farthing, I assume you have heard of the Sentient Universalists and their objectives?

JF: I stay out of politics.

RM: The S.U.s believe that people like you and your father, people of mixed blood, are the solution to discrimination. In fact, they actively promote race mixing. It’s rumored that a man like your father can send his genetic material to be joined with another species. Do you think your father would participate in such a scheme?

Ms. Farthing?

JF: Pop would have told me if I can from some lab.

RM: You said it yourself, he never mentioned your mother. According to our investigators, your birth mother was full troll. Care to see the picture?  I doubt you see any resemblance.

JF: So, she was some kind of surrogate. Pop wanted a kid. It’s not like he was much of a looker. If he got a surrogate, that just proves how much he wanted me. It’s not illegal.

RM: It’s not illegal, but it is dangerous. There have been thousands of suspicious deaths of non-fairy children with fairy blood. Most of them resulting from allergic reactions. Most of them were human-fairy hybrids.

JF: I guess it’s a good thing Pop was always so careful with me. Doesn’t look like I have the allergy though.

RM: Apparently you don’t. Ms. Danan was rumored to be involved with the Sentient-Universalist movement. In fact, there is a theory that most of the fairy hybrid children were products of her eggs. Just a rumor, of course.

I suppose if you had Ms. Danan’s genetic material, it would be a lucky break that you are part troll. Had you been a human-fairy hybrid, you would be dead right now.

JF: If I were one these Danan kids, don’t you think my Pop would have warned me?

RM: It sounds like he did. He told you who to avoid, and he kept you under close supervision.

If fairies had killed my father because of his involvement in this program, I might blame Ms. Danan for getting him involved.

JF: Nice try. I didn’t even know this shit.

RM: Ms. Farthing, where were you when your father was killed?

JF: Are you trying to pin his death on me too? Fuck you.

RM: Just your answer, please.

JF: I told you, I had exams that day.

RM: He was killed while you were in exams?

Ms. Farthing?

JF: I was in the commerce section. It was the end of school for me and probably the last time I’d get to see most of my Nexus crew. I was an hour late when I heard the explosion. If I’d have come straight to the dock, I’d be dead with Pop.

RM: Perhaps whoever planted the bomb expected you to be there. It would have been quite the annoyance to discover that you are alive and well, bouncing around the galaxy as a courier. I’m sure it’s not quite the career Ms. Danan wanted to showcase in her hybrid offspring, but I doubt they would want you alive anyway.

JF: Are you saying they weren’t even trying to kill Pop, just me?

RM: It’s possible. You seem to have slipped under the radar long after the other Danan children were attacked. Most of the children were killed as toddlers.

If your father thought he would have the money to send you to university, I think he tried to get it from the fairies – and that would have alerted someone to your existence.

Perhaps you knew that. Perhaps you blame Danan for what happened to him.

JF: You think my pop tried to blackmail this Danan, so she had him killed?

RM: I doubt he would have known or dealt with Danan. Whoever he reached out to would have been much lower in the organization. He probably wouldn’t have considered it blackmail. After all, Sentient-Universalist fairies ran the program, and it had been years since the other children had been purged. Perhaps he thought it would be a safe time to get in contact with them. And, if a showcase hybrid went on to university and a prestigious career, then the S.E. agenda would benefit. You would be a representative of the abilities of mixed blood persons.

Perhaps if we knew the identity of the sender, the man behind the Oberon alias, we could clear you.

JF: I told you, only Kealy met the sender. He’s dead.

RM: That is a shame. Try to relax while we continue our investigation. We will talk again soon.

End Transcript


Incident Interview Transcript

Subject: Jotna Farthing, Female, Human/Fey/Troll, Nexus Station, Assurance Transport Solutions

Location: HQ, Crystal Quarter, Fey

Officer: 458279 R. Mayner

Session Three

RM: I trust you received some food by now?

JF: Whatever the fuck that was, it wasn’t food.

RM: Right, well it looks like you may be getting out of here soon.

JF: You guys finally caught up with reality?

RM: Actually, we thought we would release you and see who tries to kill you.

JF: You are a fucking …

RM: Yes, I’m sure I am. It will be a simple matter of surveillance. If someone tries to kill you, and I expect that they will after you return to Nexus Station, we can use that individual to trace our way back to sender, this ‘Oberon.’

You will then be cleared of any responsibility in this incident and compensated for your time. Perhaps you can look into an early retirement. From what I read in your background investigation, you and Ms. Jones may enjoy a change in scenery. Perhaps you are not entirely opposed to opening a goat-sweater shop on an agricultural planet?

JF: What the hell does Jones have to do with this?

RM: More than you led us to believe according to our interview with her. She does indeed have a sharp sense of smell. In our interview with her she told us how she guessed that your package contained flowers. Why didn’t you tell me that?

JF: ‘Cause she didn’t do anything wrong and neither did I. If you go to the corporation saying we were talking about the contents of the package, we both get fired even though I didn’t confirm it. Hell, I didn’t even know for certain there were flowers until Danan opened the container.

RM: Would it have changed anything if you had known? Would have warned her?

JF: I didn’t know why Earth flowers are illegal transport. I just knew they are. So did Kealy, that stupid, fucking asswipe.

RM: Well, Kealy paid a tough penalty for his negligence. A small sum of money was deposited in his account immediately after the package was sealed. The same amount was withdrawn an hour later when he became ill. It seems that the pollen of earth flowers did not agree with him. Of course the unrelated toxins found in the contents of his stomach didn’t help the situation. He would have been dead that day even if he hadn’t had the allergy. It just would have been a less conspicuous death.

JF: Kealy was one of Danan’s kids? No shit? I always thought he was a bit of a pretty boy, but part fairy? Poor chump.

RM: I’m pretty sure he was a bonus kill for Oberon. You were the requested courier. When Kealy showed up instead, he was poisoned. It must have been confusing for the shipper when Kealy left the package sealing wheezing.

JF: Poor, stupid fucker. Now you want me to be the poor stupid fucker who lets herself be bait?

RM: A couple of days of danger for a new life with Ms. Jones? It sounds like the best deal you can hope to get. You said it yourself, some people have options, the rest just, … here it is, “crawl around the bottom looking for scraps.” This may be your only chance to be more than courier.

JF: Did you tell Jones this plan?

RM: No. She seemed to think her interview would clear you of this mess. She was unaware that you did an illegal bioseal.


Exit-Interview Transcript


Jotna Jones-Farthing, Female, Human/Fey/Troll, New Omaha, Sarthis

Greta Farthing-Jones, Female, Human*, New Omaha, Sarthis

Location: New Omaha, Sarthis

Lawyer: 527984 X. Galling

XG: Ms. Farthing, …

JJF: Jones-Farthing

XG: Yes, Jones-Farthing. That was quick. You and …

JJF: You judging?

XG: No, Ms. Jones-Farthing. I’m sure I’m not interested enough to judge.

Now, this is the official exit-interview for the investigation. We need to go over the confidentiality agreement You and Ms. Jones …

GFJ: Farthing-Jones

XG: Alright, yes, Farthing-Jones. You are both here to give your official verbal agreements and bio-seals to the terms of your exit from the investigation into the death of Ms. Felice Danan, of Fey …

JJF: Now that’s ironic.

XG: Excuse me?

JJF: Her name was Felice.

XG: Why is that ironic?

JJF: Felice, it means happy, lucky. That was one un-lucky fairy.

GFJ: Her name should have been Dolores, that means sad.

JJF: I think in traditional Fey language, Dolores means purple … or was that Dalaries? I never did get past Fairy I in school …

XG: I see, fascinating. Now, you both received, read, and signed the exit documents for the conclusion in the investigation of the death of Ms. Danan.

GFJ: Signed it. I can’t say I really read it all. 223 pages of legalese – who actually reads that? What kind shit lawyer makes it through eight years of school and can’t put together a readable sentence, anyway?

XG: I wrote those contracts myself.

XG: Moving on, you both were given the opportunity to read the contracts and have signed them. All that is required now is your verbal confirmations and bio-seals. By doing so, you both agree that the Federation of Law Enforcement cannot be held liable for any physical or psychological injury sustained by your participation in the investigation, arrest, and prosecution of Mr. Maran Bres for the willful homicide of …

JJF: That name sounds better – it sounds like Mara, means bitter.

GFJ: Not in Fairy. There is means something like river bottom.

JJF: No shit? Dude really was scum. Guess we can cross that name off our list.

XG: Wonderful. Continuing …  willful homicide of Ms. Felice Danan. Furthermore, you are both agreeing that you have received all compensation in relation to the case, having the deed to a 4.05 hectare plot of land near New Omaha, Sarthis, and possession of all structures on said property, and including all land, water, and mineral rights directly related to said property, and you will neither petition the Federation for further compensation in this matter, nor attempt to otherwise profit from your involvement in the case through book deals, interviews, or any form of media either by self-publication or participation.

GFJ: Holy shit, you actually talk the same way you write.

XG: Thank-you. I’ll need you to consent to terms verbally …

GFJ: I consent.

JJF: I consent.

XG: Now if you will each sign your documents on the flashing lines …. and submit your right thumbs for the bio-seals … perfect. This concludes the …

GFJ: This is for you.

XG: Hm? Oh, no. presents are not appropriate in this situation.

JJF: Seriously, don’t be a fuck-hugger. Try it on, it’s the most comfortable sweater you will ever own.


End Transcript


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